Thursday, January 29, 2009

This is a multi-day post. I've come to the conclusion that I keep writing all these posts in my I have for so many months...and don't write them on the blog because I've been thinking that I need a picture for every post. And anyone who knows me knows that just achieving this place to write, this "blog" has been a long time coming. So I will release myself from the idea that I have to have a picture every time. (I can't seem to find my pics and they need to be organized in my computer too.) I need to research photo saving sites next, flickr or some other post that will organize my pics.

So some nights are for writing- some for knitting. I wanted tonight to be a knitting night- I am working on a brand new pair of socks, totally inspired by the spur of the moment yarn I bought on sale at Abundant last weekend, and a new sweater, ala Blue Moon yarn in turquoise and orange and green mill ends. Luscious. (again, worthy of a picture if I had one.) But my fingers needed to write instead of knit....such a day it has been. My grandfather is readying for open heart surgery- at 87 years old, for the sole purpose I believe of staying alive because my grandmother is still alive. He has an aortic valve problem- only allowing him a straw's width of air to his heart- thus making it very difficult for him to breathe. Tonight he is upset that he went over to tell my grandmother about his decision to do the surgery and she had less than a desirable response, mainly no response at all, except "huh", followed by "I want to go to bed." She is suffering from water on the brain and a failing shunt, which some days causes her much dementia- and others she is more lucid and herself. Today happened to be one of the not so lucid days....and the day that nampa told her about his heart....not such a good match. they have been married for 64 years.....64 years!!!!! It is hard to figure out sometimes the intended path of our lives, the answers to the questions we face are not easily found, and we lurch around going where our dedication takes us, where our love takes us, often making decisions that are a result of many years of being part of another person.

So I was sitting in the bath a bit ago- one of my favorite places on earth- surrounded by oily soft water, candles, and one bengal cat occassionally gingerly putting his paw in the water and making a very small wave, and pondering my favorite things. You know the song in the Sound of music, "these are a few of my favorite things"? Well, I heard a radio show this morning about Salzburg, Austria- and began reminiscing about my four month trip to Europe after college, when my life was all ahead of me, and who I was then compared to who I am now. I went on the sound of music tour of course- and loved every bit of it. I have a daily calendar on my desk at work that is one of those art ones from the museum store that has a gorgeous picture of a different location in Italy for each day of the year. I sat looking at it today as a mind break, or more like an ear break, from listening to "nurse, nurse,nurse' being screamed very loudly by one of our residents. I went out to see why I could help, this lady yells nurse all the time. When you go up to her to see what she wants she just becomes quiet right on the spot- she just wants someone to be with her all the time. Anyway, as I was looking at a beautiful picture of the island of Campania, and listening to Evelyn scream for the nurse- I thought about how it could be different- different for Evelyn, different for me, that we are all a product of our choices- and that I could choose right at that very moment to feel blessed for my job, not annoyed with the noise, and in that shift almost immediately felt better.

So tonight, I remember to feel blessed, to focus on what I have, my favorite things, like knitting and animals, and smooth "stirs the soul" chocolate, ( an amazing raw chocolate just discovered at New Seasons), flannel pajamas with green and blue dogs all over them. I need to also figure out how to make a link on this blog. :) And speaking of I go. As Charles Karult says at the end of one of my favorite shows, CBS Good Morning on Sunday mornings, "We leave you this hour with this scene"...........(they always take the camera somewhere blissful....) Of course when I just inserted the picture it went to the top of my post- another thing to learn, layout. This is the view out my back yard a few days ago when it snowed, again.

1 comment:

  1. A beautiful post, Kim, and so much for me to think about and focus on. I've been doing yoga and trying to approach things I don't want to do with openness and joy. Tough one to keep up, keep trying. I read the other day about exercise, "You only have to succeed one more time than you fail."