Friday evening

What an emotional two days....ups and downs...lots of them. I am very tired this Friday evening...but writing will welcome sleep...and so I write. My mom's best friend called me today to tell me all the things she thinks I should be doing with my parents in the face of this disease that is taking my dad. Financial management, care management, family meetings, planning ahead, mental health counseling, etc. The list went on and on. "You are the oldest Kim, this is what life brings, you know that. You have to face it younger than most. But you still have to do it." I am caught between being the daughter and being the i don't know what- what am I exactly? Information gatherer? Resource planner? It is hard to have compassion for her when she is so angry- when I am so angry about the disease that is taking my dad- that is changing him. I want to write- and help people understand that there is no understanding for this process- it is just that- a process- of watching the person you love slip away- slip into this land where you don't even know where they are- where they don't know where they are. Yesterday I followed a man over to Bimart in his scooter- and me in my car, because he was not safe to go on his own- and when he got there all he wanted to do was pick out a 25 year anniversary present for his wife- so there we stood in the aisle- me helping him pick out a pink t-shirt and shorts, and pink flip flops to match. And then a romantic card, one that played music- and to top it all off some ice cream drumsticks for the staff. He asked if I liked drumsticks and wanted me to have one. And then I followed him back to the nursing home- me in my car- him in his scooter. Being with him in Bimart made me remember why it is I do what I do- a small experience of helping someone else complete their wish for the day. There are many tears in my family lately- my mom cries a lot- I hear her- and want to curl her up and hold her.....and yet she is my mom- and it's not supposed to be like this. All these independent spirits and they are being swallowed up by various diseases. So tonight I sleep to have rest- and to start tomorrow new- without all this complication.

"Popular Patient"

Well Kula should have no trouble at all recovering with all this attention!! A friend of mine sent her a deer antler and a get well card...and our neighbors made her a special get well cake!!!!!!! Which she proceeded to gobble half in about 20 seconds- and would have eaten the whole thing if I had let her. While she has been resting I have been very creative and productive- I have created a shop on Etsy.com to sell my handspun yarn...so check it out at www.kulascolors.etsy.com, signed up to sell natural pet products with Shurepets, and am baking homemade dog biscuits for the rest of the day. Hm......the stars must be aligned in the domestic area today!!!! Now on to the baking!

Kula came home

"Keeping Watch"

Kula came home this morning....she has slept literally all day in Bruce's office. I went off to work after we got her settled in at home- and the only time she got up was when I came home from work when she got up and walked 5 feet to greet me. She seems so tired, and content to just be home. The cutest part is Symeon...our Bengal cat, who is literally holding vigil outside the office door- peeking in through the glass every few minutes to check on her, as if to say, "I'm here, girl, I've got your back." We'll see about that tonight as the witching hour of 3 am draws near, and the little spotted monster flys around the house obeying some archaic nighttime cat god, like clockwork!! I'm happy Kula's home, now for the recovery. I've taken tomorrow off to hang out at home with her- we'll knit and read and be lazy together. Ahh.....now why does it take my dog having bilateral knee surgery to get me to take a day off????? That folks, is the quality of life question of the night. :)

p.s. This pic is from when she was a puppy- however the scene now is the same, without the crate, and one more thing....the dog is twice the size of the cat. That's in body only though. :)

"Wouldn't trade her for the world"

June 16th, 2009

My dog is a lemon....an amazing little lemon. I swear she is on her fourth life. I wonder how many dogs have.....first there was the parvo...and then there was the near death by asthma inhaler ingestion, and now today there is medial patella luxation surgery...on both of her little knees.....amazing I tell you. The vet last night said, "I hope you're not a lemon..shoud we call you lemon? You are yellow.....She was playing last week out in the yard at work, and the mama cat got the best of her. Callie was protecting her 7 week old kittens, and Kula just wanted to be friends like she does to everything..and they got into a tussel that Callie won- Kula turned and hurt her knee- and has been three legging it on pain meds the past 5 days. So today she had surgery and they fixed her little rotated kneecaps...all back in their right places. And I have learned more about dog leg anatomy in the last five days then I ever thought I would! Medecine is amazing...now for that second job! :)

Doing the right thing

Seems to be a trend in my life lately....whether it's taking care of my grandparents' needs or doing right by animals. Last night, I went to take the dog outside, and I watched as she went up to something and it moved. Looking closer, I saw that it was a little bird, scurrying away under the touch of Kula's nose. I then saw that it was hurt- it sat facing the garage door and didn't fly away. Ever the animal lover that I am, I went inside to get my husband. And being the animal lover that he is, he suggested that perhaps we call a vet. So I pondered this for a minute, then said, what the heck, it's just a call. But before we decided to give the bird a little comfort, so Bruce went and got a box and put a towel and some tissue in it- he picked up the bird who didn't even flinch, although it did peep once inside the box. He put the towel up around it so it wouldn't be cold too.

So I called my vet, and it just so happened that a total bird lover veterinarian was working last night. She began to tell me all about places that rehab birds, that she's from Salem and knows of two really good places but at this hour they probably wouldn't take it, and oh by the way what kind of bird is it because they don't take finches or sparrows. I was surprised that we were talking as long as we were at all about a little bird from our yard, and she recommended that I call Dove Lewis as they would surely know what to do about the bird. So I did. And wouldn't you know that birds are considered wards of the state as state wildlife- and that when the Audabon Society is closed Dove Lewis is authorized and takes all such birds into the care during the off hours. Again surprised, I then went and relayed all of this to Bruce. So there we are at 8 pm loading up the little bird into our car and driving it to Dove Lewis. Once we got there they gave the bird a number, took it in the back, asked the address it was found, and sent us on our way saying we could call later and check on its status. We left with little smiles in our hearts, Bruce saying, "Now don't you feel good that we gave one of God's little creatures a chance? If you were a bird wouldn't you want someone to pick you up?" It did feel good. Later on we checked on the bird and it was still there.

This morning we called to check to see if it made it to the audabon society and were told "it was DOA" however we distinctly saw it open its mouth and cheep as we handed it over. In any case, it was most definitely the right thing to do- and I'm glad of this Saturday night memory......also a small reminder why I love my husband so much. :)

And the little sparrow went over the rainbow bridge to birdie heaven.

The end of 37

Today I am no longer 37.....I am 38. 37 was an interesting year....38 feels very old....logically I know that is not very old in the grand scheme of life, but it feels old. I am thankful for lots of things this year, my health, that my immediate family are all alive and seemingly healthy, that I have this amazing relationship with my husband, and a new amazing relationship with Kula, the little dog that has stolen my heart. There are several issues I'm still grappling with....some days I have a hold on them, others they have a hold on my....the "baby" issue, ailing and failing grandparents, a father that dims sometimes slowly and sometimes very fast lately, the all awareness that he does have this disease of Alzheimers and he will change, is changing...right before all our eyes. These then are my up in the air, or philosophical challenges I have to address. But now is the time to embrace a new year, with grattitude...and so I do.

March 21st, 2009

Its been a long time since I've written, which was exactly my fear before I created a blog....that I just wouldn't keep it up. But oh well, this is mainly for me anyway. I am three weeks post one of the most relaxing vacations I've had in a while! I went to Ouray, Colorado to visit a friend I hadn't seen in six years. She owns a quaint, peaceful little gift shop specializing in all kinds of unique yummy gifts, clothing, and candles. Her and her husband also own a coffee roasting company called Exotic Earth Coffee Roasters. Suffice it to say I drank amazingly delicious coffee every morning, and many evenings, of my six day trip....in fact, here is a picture of me running my fingers through 5 pounds of freshly roasted coffee...imagine how wonderful this smelled!

Ouray is located at 9,000 feet above sea level, nestled in the middle of the San Juan Mountain Range, population: 850 year round residents. The air (once I got used to it after the first 24 hrs) was clear and refreshing. We enjoyed natural hot springs, local breweries, (that did not serve food, oddly enough) and canyon falls that were awe-striking. I will remember the scenes of this vacation and enjoy my memories and pictures for a long time to come....